Letting go

There comes a time in our lives in which we must let go...of people, of things that we hold dear and true but they are unhealthy for us.  They bring us sorrow and pain.  They perhaps do not mean to but they do and we know that the only way we can truly realize who we are or our potential is to move on from them...and yet we do not.
We hold a belief that they will change, that we can help them, but ultimately only they can change and if they do not want to there is nothing we can do.  So even knowing this we still stay.  Why?  What purpose does it serve?  Is there a lesson to be learned in this design?  Is the design for us to help THEM?  To give them strength and courage?  To see more?  Is there a design for us as well?  To perhaps be certain of what we want and need and to give us courage to ask for it?
I am not an expert in these matters for I struggle nearly every day with them.  I seek only to understand the momentum of the human soul and my purpose in it.  I am unfulfilled and unsatisfied that this is all there is and all that I deserve...and yet I do not know how to ask for what will fulfill or satisfy me, lead alone what I deserve. 

The first step...

It's been a while, and a lot has gone on since last I came here to share my thoughts.  Thoughts that I don't know if anyone reads or read, but it's my journal of sorts. 

I returned to school, which took up so much of my time, not leaving me with much time for anything else. I've struggled since last October with a very real demon.  I'm determined to knock this demon into the seventh circle.  I have a plan, which I hope will prove successful.  I have hope and I have faith in myself that it will.  Each day is a struggle.  I fight with this demon right now as we speak.  I won't tell you what my demon is just yet, that will come in time, but I look forward to the day I can say that I have put that demon away.

I've continued to strengthen some friendships with some amazing woman that leave me in awe of their beauty both inside and out, their strength, their determination, their devotion, and their courage.  These girls are the most extraordinary women I have come to know and I love them dearly.  I am so thankful they came into my life.

I've come, finally, I believe, at least in part, to love myself for who I am, especially the package in which I carry myself.  I'm not a size 2, but that matters not for there is more to me than just my jean size.  I've found a passion and love for myself that took me 35 years to find.

I stopped going to traditional college, knowing that this is not my passion.  Learning is my passion and as Will pointed out, that can easily be obtained in my local library.  I do believe however that my true passion lies in helping others find their place, their passion, their path.  In October I will start my training as a life coach with the WCI and aside from my son and my love of books I have never been more excited about something.

If you are reading, I hope you stay and see how things progress.  I have a feeling that in the months to come some big changes are coming.  Some that will be painful, some that will inspire, some that will challenge me for the good.  The new year will be telling for I have an idea of what will be and despite the hardships that it will bring, I welcome the change and the possibilities.