Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
As I think about this past year and the things I’ve seen and felt it didn’t take long for the word to come. 2010 has brought me *clarity*. For me, this word holds a lot of meaning due to the personal and internal growth that has come to me in the last year. I’ve gained oodles of clarity about myself, people in my life, my job, my past, my feelings, and my body. This clarity has brought me some much needed peace and some harsh realities.
Over the last year I’ve come to only listen and believe a portion of what people say. I’ve come to realize that I’m emotionally detached (at least partially) to most everyone in my life. This then lead into clarity about my feelings, which derive from many past hurts. It’s not an excuse, it’s a reality and truthfully I like that it’s what I’ve morphed into. I still love, I still give and share, but I’m guarded and there is a part of me that believes that no one will ever have 100% of me.
My body. . .an ever vigilant issue for me. I don’t like it, well most of the time I don’t anyway. I’m coming to terms with that. Why I feel that way. The dislike comes from various sources, including myself and I know that I am not alone. It’s something that will likely take longer than a year to get to the bottom of, heck 10 years might not be enough time, but I’m trying. I have clarified that it’s deep seeded, so I need to now clarify where and what and why so I can learn to love my body…as a size 2 or 12. It’s also become clear that I can’t change my body if I don’t do the work. The women I envy their bodies have to do the work too. Why do I feel I’m any different from them?
So my word for 2010 is clarity.
The word I want to be able to use for 2011 came just as quickly. *Change*. In 2011 I want to experience a lot of change! I want to change my current position at work. I love the company I work for and what I do but. . . I’m ready for a change. I want to do something new, to explore and expand my mind. I’d like to change my living situation. I’m very fortunate that after my marriage failed, I was able to return home and live with my Dad, who is a tremendous help to me. However, I am an adult and I yearn for my own space and I know he does too, though I have enjoyed the time with him. For me most importantly I want to change my body. I want to change the way I eat (not good), I want to change how much, how often, and how hard I exercise. These are the things that ring as strong for me to change. I know that these changes will not come swiftly or probably even easily, but they will come if I work for them. I want to change my life.
