She Said Yes

Gosh....last night was a great night.  After 3 1/2 years the love of my life asked me to marry him (kind of lol).  A ring was found in my seat.  Good enough for me since I'm not all about that big deals.  As many of you know Glenn and I have had our fair share of hard times.  We've gone through a few vacations from each other.  Yours truly tried other things while on those vacations (big mistake), and have come back together, better and stronger than before.

A Little History....
Glenn and I met....of all places on Plenty of Fish.  A free dating website.  Yep that's right.  The first emails were exchanged on Friday, we met for coffee and by Monday of the following week we had both deleted our profiles on Plenty of Fish.  We both just knew.  I'll never forget that first day we met, for coffee, at a Starbucks.  I'd given him the location of the wrong one and we laugh about it now.  Nevertheless, he eventually arrived, in uniform, and I was done for.  Man did he look good.  We ended up closing the Starbucks because we sat there so long, talking.

Along The Way.....
We had our good times and bad.  We've had our rough patches.  We've gone through a few vacations as we now affectionaletly call them.  During that time I found a distraction, which was just that.  A distraction from what I was feeling, the loss I felt of feeling things might not working out with the person I felt so comfortable with, but not once did it ever feel right with that distraction, and I always knew it came back to my Lobster.  Plus he wouldn't go away.  :)  No one could compare or compete with the guy who knew me better than anyone, who had helped me through more panic attacks than I could count, and who ultimately had my heart, who ultimately felt like home.  He always did.  Even if I didn't want to admit it at the time.

Looking Toward The Future.....
So after a few vacations, we came back together, stronger than ever. I feel like each of us is committed more than ever before to this relationship, and to giving it our all.  I know now that I can't ever love another as I love the Lobster, and he is just that, my Lobster, my Penguin, and I place a stone before his feet.  Last night he placed a ring in my seat (maybe this was the stone), bless his amazing heart, he just couldn't wait, and I said yes. When or where it will happen, I don't know, and to be honest, for me it doesn't matter.  I know I love this man, and ring or no ring, wedding or no wedding, I will spend my life loving him and only him.

Here is to happy ever after. . . .

Somethings and Nothings

Why is it so hard to let things go sometimes?  Even more so, why is it we perpetually turn something that was nothing into something.  We glorify it, make it seem like it was so much better than it was.  It's frustrating when you're in the middle of it.  You think about the something, know that it was something, but can't remember what the things were that made it nothing and the things that were missing that made it nothing.  Furthermore, I look back on things and think "Really Lydia, what were you thinking?!"  Don't get me wrong there is nothing in my life thus far that I regret because I truly believe that everything comes into our lives and happens for a reason, but sometimes my logic escapes me.  One particular instance stands out in my mind as of late in which I am experiencing all these feelings.  I knew it was wrong, that it wasn't a good choice, that it didn't fit me, who I was, or what I wanted, or my needs but I went there anyway.  And then when it was part of my past I thought "That wasn't so bad, it was really great actually", when in fact it really wasn't.  It was actually really bad, on so many levels and ways I can't even express.  There is a line from a song that stands out for me.

"I can't think of what I learned right now, but I'll be thanking you some day"

I'm not sure what this was suppose to teach me, what I was suppose to learn but well I'm sure someday I'll know and it will all be clear....until then I'll have to live with the somethings and the nothings knowing that I'm better off and will be a better person once I understand the some of those somethings and all of the nothings.

Thanks for reading...
Lydia

More music.................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP79jDNAAK0..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCkfTCjF8SM&ob=av2e
I've always liked Mat Kearney but this song is wonderful...................

We're just fumbling through the grey
Trying find a heart that's not walking away" ~ Mat Kearney Ships In The Night