The NON smoking me

It amazes me just how much NON smokers...including me, can get done.  I suppose for newbie non smokers it might be a bit more (because we are trying to keep busy ergo not think about smoking). 
Usually Saturdays are hard for me, thus far, but yesterday was my Saturday I guess.  I actually wept that I was not smoking.  I wanted to smoke so bad.  I sat in bed crying, to a really important person about how sad I was that cigarettes were not in my life anymore, how I was tired of being strong, how I wanted one so bad.  Yesterday was, based on past experiences, the perfect day for smoking...but I didn't have one.  I couldn't remember, despite writing it down, why I had quit, or why I wanted this path. 
Today was Saturday, my usual hard day.  It was easier than yesterday and previous Saturdays but still hard.  I've found that weekends have actually become something I don't look forward to.  Relaxing, wine drinking, reading, crafts, extra hours = smoking. 
Today, in an effort to curtail the urge I went for a beautiful hour and a half hike at South Valley Park in Ken Caryl, Littleton.  I then spent a good two hours at the Arapahoe Public Library.  I came home took a nap, and made two embroidered/crocheted dish towels for Christmas.  This weekend I watched the entire third season of Fringe (may have to watch again LOL), two movies (Fast Five and Horrible Bosses), did some extensive meditating, ate an entire meal by myself in a restaurant (well Panera....does that count?), and enjoyed myself.
I look forward to the weekend in which I don't think about smoking.  I look forward to the weekend I look forward to.  I look forward to the life without cigarettes.  It's been a hard three weeks.  I look at my bestie, and quit smoking partner Sara and envy her strength, she seems so strong, so unfazed by the little things and she inspires me.  She's amazing when it comes to these things.  I hope I can be half as strong as she.
Tomorrow is Sunday, usually a good day for me.  I have learned however that as an ex-smoker there are surprises, both good and bad, and that I must be prepared for them. 
I am strong.  I am a NON smoker.  I can do this.