Somethings and Nothings

Why is it so hard to let things go sometimes?  Even more so, why is it we perpetually turn something that was nothing into something.  We glorify it, make it seem like it was so much better than it was.  It's frustrating when you're in the middle of it.  You think about the something, know that it was something, but can't remember what the things were that made it nothing and the things that were missing that made it nothing.  Furthermore, I look back on things and think "Really Lydia, what were you thinking?!"  Don't get me wrong there is nothing in my life thus far that I regret because I truly believe that everything comes into our lives and happens for a reason, but sometimes my logic escapes me.  One particular instance stands out in my mind as of late in which I am experiencing all these feelings.  I knew it was wrong, that it wasn't a good choice, that it didn't fit me, who I was, or what I wanted, or my needs but I went there anyway.  And then when it was part of my past I thought "That wasn't so bad, it was really great actually", when in fact it really wasn't.  It was actually really bad, on so many levels and ways I can't even express.  There is a line from a song that stands out for me.

"I can't think of what I learned right now, but I'll be thanking you some day"

I'm not sure what this was suppose to teach me, what I was suppose to learn but well I'm sure someday I'll know and it will all be clear....until then I'll have to live with the somethings and the nothings knowing that I'm better off and will be a better person once I understand the some of those somethings and all of the nothings.

Thanks for reading...
Lydia